Pain Is Only Felt When Wounded, Right?
by ShiverIntheLight
Summary: The pain…I watched as she and Johnny kissed on the altar. I watched as all the guests of honor and the people cheered with grand applause at the touching sight as two people became bound together by law and love. I watched as my eyes grew blurry, not from happiness, but from deep sadness and guilt. Blurry from the pain…of knowing Meryl and I will never be…together again…


Pain Is Only Felt When Wounded, Right?

**Disclaimer: I don't own any Metal Gear characters mentioned in this story. They are owned by Kojima.**

* * *

The pain…I watched as she and Johnny kissed on the altar. I watched as all the guests of honor and the people cheered with grand applause at the touching sight as two people became bound together by law and love. I watched as my eyes grew blurry, not from happiness, but from deep sadness and guilt. Blurry from the pain…of knowing Meryl and I will never be…together again…

I stood up and clapped anyway alongside the rest of the people; I didn't want to be the odd one out…for I have always been that…my whole life I was an odd one out. Meryl and Johnny turned to the crowd and waved, making the people cheer all the louder. I couldn't take it anymore…I had to go. I had to leave…to go somewhere, anywhere from the pain that escalated through my chest.

I slowly got up and shouldered past the crowd, walking away down the isle, walking out of the church, walking away from my happiness.

The pain…nothing else swarmed my mind and vision but that…nothing else mattered now but that. My knee ached; the arthritis starting up in it again… I ignored it…but what I couldn't ignore…was the happy expression and blissful joy on Meryl's face as she turned to the crowd, the ring on her finger that glistened in the light. The happy look between the couple as they had kissed on cue…

I walked on, feeling the pain only increase as each step brought me further and further away from her…from a life I should have had.

"Snake!" shouted a voice, but I continued to walk, not looking back, not stopping. That voice…the voice that set my heart beating with its soft tone. The way it made my mouth curl up and smile like a bumbling idiot. The way it made you feel important that you were being addressed in acknowledgement to her.

She was everything to me, and yet she was only one… She touched my heart…she cared for me…and I left her…due to my own ignorance and judgment of myself.

A hacking cough assailed me, made me stop in my tracks, and I wheezed for breath as the attack of my respiratory system continued. I doubled over with the effort, feeling tears prick my eyes with the sudden pain. But was it the pain from heartbreak? Or one of being truly sick?

"Snake!" I knew it was her and yet I didn't turn around, still trying to catch my breath. However once her hand touched my shoulder and lingered there I felt all the breath I had just collected escape me.

"Snake? Are you all right?" came her question and I knew…I couldn't avoid her anymore… This old man had to face his past, future, and present all rolled up in one woman: Meryl Silverburgh. I didn't care if her last name was now Sasaki…nothing else mattered anymore but the woman in front of me… The woman who wouldn't change to me despite her last name being different and claimed by another man.

"Don't worry about me," I growled as I stood up and turned to look at her. _My God…she was beautiful…she was beautiful then and was still beautiful in the past._

"Snake?" Meryl asked, her eyes showing concern in them. There was no love, affection, or heartfelt in her eyes now, just concern. The feeling you expose for a friend… A Friend…

"Don't worry about me. Live. Be happy, and survive Meryl… That is all I want…" I trailed off as emotion choked me.

"Snake…" Meryl trailed off as well and then I knew; I had to go. I didn't want her to see my anguish. I only wanted her to feel happy for herself and those she loved.

I took off running as fast as my old self would allow it and heard Meryl shout out my name. I knew she would never chase after me in that beautiful white dress and matching shoes on her feet.

_Pain is only felt when wounded, right?_ I asked myself as I heard Meryl's shouts get less audible in the distance. _Your heart only feels pain when it stops breathing; when it stops doing its job…right?_

I felt the wetness make its trail down my cheeks and I knew that it wasn't raining… I was crying…for the first time since I was a young boy.

_Meryl… I love you now…and I will love you forever…. I hope that man Johnny keeps you safe and happy…because I sure couldn't…and never will. Do not forget me…but only think of me in the lightest of regards…._

The pain escalated even more as I felt my soul cry out before shattering into pieces. I felt numb, I felt like nothing…. Meryl was something…she made me into something I could never ever forget…

The shouts continued...I could still hear them, even above all of the distance I have put between myself and my love... The shouts called for elaboration...beseeching that I come back and explain... However...there was no way I could turn back and tell her what and how I felt... Meryl doesn't deserve to live with a snake in her life. The tears continued and I refused to wipe them away...refused to do anything else but move as far away from the happy couple as humanly possible.

_Meryl..._

_Pain is only felt when wounded, right?_

* * *

**A/N: This pairing…makes me get the feels… I wanted these two to be together and when I heard that Meryl married Johnny…I felt instant anger and sadness… Poor Snake…**

**I hope you liked this oneshot :D Have a great day!**


End file.
